From Public Speaking Anxiety and Bullying to Empowering Others:

Client Spotlight Interview with Sandy Hedenberg

Victoria:

My guest today is Sandy Hedenberg. Sandy was a student in my Brilliant Speakers Academy program a few years ago, and back then she was a sales manager in Berkshire Hathaway, a large national real estate brokerage firm. She managed and coached hundreds of real estate agents and was looking to take her career to the next level. The reason she joined my program was because of her crippling fear of public speaking. She missed many opportunities and felt it was time to finally step up and learn to show up as the true leader that she was.

Sandy:

Hi, Victoria. I'm so, so happy to be here and thank you for having me.

Victoria:

When you first joined Brilliant Speakers Academy, what were you doing back then and why was it important for you to overcome the fear of public speaking?

Sandy:

I want to start to kind of give people the context of how significant my fear of public speaking was because that was such a big part of the story for me with joining your program. When I was a child, probably nine or 10 years old, I was playing hangman in school. I was standing in front of a group of all the other students, and I made a mistake where I wrote out the word weather, W-E-A-T-H-E-R.My anxiety kicked in and I misspelled the word as W-H-E-T-H-E-R.

My teacher at the time was not a nice teacher. She actually flipped out and started screaming at me in front of the class. She made us all stop the game and she said, “Ms. Hedenberg ruined it for everyone. Everyone put your head down. The game is over. You'll all sit in silence. Shut the lights out.” I thought I could never make a mistake again. It was like that teacher took my voice away from me that day as a little girl.

Even in college, I was in a business communication class, and I remember my teacher, she was very kind and wanted everyone to say their name, their favorite color, and something interesting about themselves. My heart started pounding out of my chest and I had a dry mouth, sick to my stomach. I thought, there's no way I can do this. Then thankfully, by the grace of God, the class was over and I never had to do it.

I was able to navigate my life without having to do public speaking. I became a realtor right out of college. I would sometimes have to talk in front of people, but never a significant number of people. But there was something inside of me that always felt I wanted to do something a little bit more and a little bit different.

I believe it went back to the things that happened to me as a child, not only the hangman incident, but also that I wanted to help people with their own confidence and help them live a life that they didn't think was possible for themselves. I always had that drive inside of me. As a sales manager and I always asked, how can I grow?

I remember my manager at the time asked, “Are you okay with public speaking?” And I said, “Yeah, totally.” As my mouth got dry and I started sweating, and I thought, oh my God. I had to do something about this because this isn't just a limiting belief. This is going to limit me in so many different ways.

That's how I came to your program because I had to do sales meetings where I would present in front of the other managers at Berkshire Hathaway events. There were things that I had to be able to do because they meant a lot to me. I wasn't in a situation where it was OK not to do more. When I saw the advertisement, there was a kindness about you. I thought, She's someone that I could totally have a conversation with.

Your energy resonated so much. There was such a kindness there that I thought if anyone could help me through this, it's Victoria and it's this program. Although I joined for one reason, I got so much more out of the program. I never would have guessed that I would have this confidence within me from taking action based on what I learned and my belief that it was possible for me.

I think that's such a key part of this, that when you have a limiting belief, you just say that's the way that it is. We can't even get out of our own way. We think I would never be able to do that. But hearing your story, how you were so scared but started doing this and that, and you continue to grow and evolve as a person.

Victoria:

What happened in the couple of years after you finished the program?

Sandy:

I ended up leaving my position at Berkshire Hathaway where I was a sales manager, and I was hired by a company called Compass Real Estate. No small part of that was because my confidence was growing and I was putting myself out there. When I was at Berkshire Hathaway, I was a member of Women's Council of Realtors. Someone approached me and said, would you do a talk on the empowerment of women or overcoming your fear of failure?

The week before I was supposed to present, I wrote the speech. I had everything. I was ready… and then COVID hit and they shut everything down. I never actually had the opportunity to do my first real talk. But what I did do was create a half hour video of me teaching a class on overcoming the fear of failure. I ended up presenting that video for the Women's Council of Realtors.

I think that me taking your program was saying to the universe, I’m open and receptive to having opportunities presented. It didn't work out exactly like I thought, but I had this really cool thing that I did instead that now I can share with people. I made the transition from Hathaway to Compass, where I managed agents. At one point I had over 300 agents that I was managing, and I enjoyed it.

I started to see how much I love coaching. And I really wanted to have an impact on people. I think I'm insightful enough that I can take my own experiences and limiting beliefs and use them as a story that's going to help inspire someone else. And then I decided, leap in and the net will appear.

I was really nervous, but it was time for me to finally go after this lifelong dream that's been inside of me. I ended up leaving Compass and leaving sales management altogether. I'm in Jay Shetty's coaching program now, and I will be a certified coach in October.

I really believe that people come into your life for a reason, and they give you messages that you're meant to hear. And I believe you crossed my path for a reason. Knowing that you've created all these other businesses, just by trial and error. Wondering, what if I fail, doesn’t stop you. You’re leading by example. And I think that that's something that I want to pursue.

Victoria:

What was your favorite part of the Brilliant Speakers Academy and working with me?

Sandy:

I would say one of my favorite quotes is that we're best equipped to help the person we used to be. And you are the epitome of that. You broke it down in such a way that it was not that there's something wrong with me. Because when we have something that's so limiting, specifically when it comes to public speaking and our confidence, we beat ourselves up, which then makes our confidence even lower.

I felt during the entire program, you in your loving, caring way, saying, “I went through this too, and I couldn't do it, but then I did it.” It felt very nurturing, but educational and believable. It didn't feel overwhelming for me. It was taking the baby steps to get to the big step. Saying, this is what you have to do, and you can do this. You believe in what you're saying. You actually practice what you preach.

The vulnerability and the kindness of it was super helpful because it just gave me a wonderful space to grow. I'm 47. When I did your program, maybe four years ago, I’d had a fear of public speaking for my entire life. That’s 35 years that I had this fear that I just never thought I would be able to overcome. Till now, I reached out and said I would love to be on your podcast to talk about how much your program helped me - not just with public speaking, but with going after the life of my dreams.

You made me feel comfortable with not being perfect. It was wonderful. But it also had a lasting impact on me. It wasn't like I attended a weekend event and thought it was great. I've thought of you so many times since going through the program, This was someone who had an impact on my life.

It's much bigger than just me being comfortable talking at meetings. Thank you, Victoria. It's magical what you're doing.

Victoria:

Thank you, Sandy. This was so touching. Like, I literally had goosebumps when you were speaking because I really, really appreciate everything that you're saying. And thank you.

Sandy:

No and thank you. If there's anyone that's listening to this right now and thinking, it's not that big of a deal that I don't publicly speak - It's not just about that. It's about everything.

We turn down opportunities to grow at every turn, and we don't even realize it. You might not speak up at a meeting because you're nervous about what they’re going to think of you, they're going to judge you, or what you say won’t be right.

So, it's not just about public speaking. It's about speaking your mind and going after things. I love that you're focusing so much on confidence and pivoting and doing what you want. I love watching the evolution of your career as well. I believe in the program and that it could help you, and not just your career, it can help you in so many other areas of your life as well.